His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
