How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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