Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
