the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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