ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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