if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
