I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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