I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
