I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
