My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize