i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
