Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Who died my cat blue again?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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