Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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