first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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