girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
