dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
