New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize