i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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