Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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