I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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