She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
