Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
