Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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