i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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