1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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