btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
