Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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