Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize