lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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