i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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