Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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