Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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