I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
