i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize