I am puke
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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