a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
