When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
