Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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