i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
