dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
