i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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