There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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