it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize