he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
