Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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