were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize