i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize