Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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