barbara walters just said penis...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize