the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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