she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
