so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
