he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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