That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
