I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
