He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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