you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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