Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
