I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
