he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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