just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
