I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
