What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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