she was so not down for the gang bang
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
