So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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