just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
