Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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