I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
