I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
