I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
