I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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