On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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