you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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