I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i think my cat just said my name.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
