Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
