I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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