So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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