so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
