Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
