dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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