is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My penis needs a shock collar
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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