i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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