can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
