Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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