And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
