Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
