I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
