So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
