Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
