I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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