Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
