well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
