God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
