Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
