he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
