just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
