Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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