I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
