then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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