I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
