you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
