i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize