I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
