My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
