All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
